Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Crossover with a Late-Period Al Pacino Performance

The Bald Witch tapped MacDuff on the shoulder and motioned for him to follow her into one of the locked rooms. MacDuff did so.

"I'm sorry," she told him after they were both in the room. "I need to vent. What is the deal with Late-Period Al Pacino suddenly showing up as one of the characters in this play?"

"I don't understand it either," said MacDuff. "It really kills the mood when I'm doing my bookshelf dance and he bounds into the room, screams 'Hoo-ah!' and then starts ranting at us. We're a Macbeth-Hitchcock mash-up. Why was a Late-Period Al Pacino performance added to the mix?"

From the hall, Bald Witch and MacDuff could hear Pacino bellowing, "I played Hamlet once. Ophelia had a GREAT ASS! Hoo-ah!" The throng of white-masked theater-goers all followed Late-Period Al Pacino. Late-Period Al Pacino led them into the Macbeths' bedroom, where Macbeth and Lady Macbeth were in the midst of their seductive dance - Lady Macbeth trying to egg her husband on to murder King Duncan. Late-Period Al Pacino entered, and spoke:

"I'm just gettin' warmed up! I don't know who went to this place, William Howard Taft, William Jennings Bryan, William Tell -- whoever. Their spirit is dead -- if they ever had one -- it's gone. You're building a rat ship here. A vessel for sea goin' snitches. And if you think you're preparing these minnows for manhood you better think again. Because I say you are killing the very spirit this institution proclaims it instills! What a sham. What kind of a show are you guys puttin' on here today. I mean, the only class in this act is sittin' next to me. And I'm here to tell ya this boy's soul is intact. It's non-negotiable. You know how I know? Someone here -- and I'm not gonna say who -- offered to buy it. Only Macbeth here wasn't sellin'!"

The audience burst into thunderous applause while the Macbeths looked at each other in confusion. No one in a white mask noticed when Macbeth whispered to Lady Macbeth, "What did that just have to do with this scene?"

"Now if you'll excuse me," Late-Period Al Pacino told the audience, "I have a one-on-one I need to liven up. Hoo-ah!"

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