Crossover with Online Dating

That's it. I'm done with online dating.

I know I've said it before, but after this last freakshow I mean it this time. This guy.... I'm just going to use his real name - it's Malcolm - in case any of you reading this see his profile and can avoid what I went through. His profile seemed mostly normal - he seemed to have a penchant for jaunty berets, but aside from that he came off as being nice enough.

My first clue that something was off was when I suggested we meet at a local bar and he said we should meet in the basement of the Old Lincoln School. Who the hell schedules a date in the basement of an abandoned school? I don't know what I was thinking when I agreed... trying to be nice I guess.

Anyway, we meet up and I introduce myself and he doesn't say a word, but I recognize him (same beret as the photo - and let me just say that it is one JAUNTY beret) and he takes my hand and leads me into a room with a red light, then he shut and locked the door. There's a metal cart with a tray of eggs on it. Malcolm takes note of the eggs, and jostles me to one side.

Then this crazy fuck pulls out a big magnifying glass and starts looking at the eggs through the magnifying glass. While he's doing this I ask him if he's seen "Inception", and he ignores me... just keeps looking at the eggs. He seems thrilled by these damn eggs. Then he takes one of the eggs and breaks it in my hand, and the egg is full of dirt.

Malcolm then looks at me - FINALLY - and asks "Who are you?"

"Uh, hello?" I responded. "I'm your DATE. You ASKED ME TO SHOW UP HERE."

Now Malcolm is holding his big-ass magnifying glass between our faces and screaming "HAVE YOU READ THE SIGNS?!??!"

I haven't read the signs.

Then he FLIPS THE METAL CART OVER, TURNS OUT THE LIGHT, AND STARTS AWKWARDLY MAKING OUT WITH ME. The whole thing was weird. Weird weird weird.

Then he just ran out of the room. No phone number exchange. No "Do you want to check out that new restaurant?" No "you're really cool but I think we work better as friends." He was just outta there.

I am done with these freakshows. Mark my words. Done done done. I still have one scheduled date that I haven't gone on yet, but the guy seems pretty nice, even if his screen name - MaleWitch1 - is a little weird. No beret at least!

He says he wants to show me his pet deer. I love animals.