Crossover with a job interview

I was nervous - the job posting on craigslist was a little vague. "Seeking witch. Must be willing to relocate to Brookline. Ability to predict future a plus." I was pretty shocked when I got called in for an interview after applying via email. The guy on the phone was a little strange, and his instructions - to make sure everything was safe and then to knock three times on the counter once I had made sure everything was safe - confused me. Was this some kind of test to see if I could follow instructions?

Anyway, I showed up where I was supposed to and knocked three times on the counter. The receptionist (he was dressed as a bellhop) gave me a string necklace with a charm on it and then motioned for me to go downstairs.

"Hecate will see you now."

Like everything else involved with this interview, Hecate was weird. She was wearing a red ballgown and she smiled a lot, but it was a cold, frozen smile. It looked like someone had described to her in great detail what smiling entailed but she had never actually seen someone smile before but decided to try it out anyway.

"So", she began, motioning me to sit on the couch next to her desk. " Where to begin? Tell me a little about yourself. Your work history, all that."

"Well", I said, "I first got into witching when..."

I was interrupted by the sudden entrance of a woman wearing a wig which resembled (and I don't have a better way of describing this) Rachel's haircut from the first season of Friends. The one all the magazines dubbed "The Rachel" - only it was dyed a shocking red.

"This doesn't work dyed red, Hecate!", the woman with the wig shouted. "I wanted it brown. I wanted a Rachel! A RACHEL!" She stamped her feet. Then, finally, she seemed to take notice of me.

"Who's that?" she asked, pointing in my direction.

"I'm thinking of expanding the operation", Hecate answered. "And the wig looks great. You look great. You're great. We'll talk about this later." Hecate motioned for the woman with the wig to leave. She exited through a red curtain, and I could hear the strains of Peggy Lee's "Is That All There Is?" coming from the the room she entered.

Hecate turned back to me.

"So sorry about that. Now let's see..."

Hecate began scanning my resume.

"It says here that you can predict the future. How good are you with that? Like, if I wanted to compel someone into, I dunno... murdering the king, would you be able to see different strands and then give the would-be-murderer the specific prediction which would compel him - OR HER - to do what I wanted? Just a hypothetical."

I told Hecate that my divination powers weren't that exact, but I rambled a bit and went on a little tangent about how working around problems sometimes helps someone find creative solutions. In the middle of my tangent someone wearing a ghostly white Venetian mask entered through the curtain, walked over to Hecate, and showed her a slim ring.

Hecate grabbed the ring excitedly and examined it, then looked up at the person in the white mask.

"That's not it." Then she added, brightly, "But keep looking!"

The person in the white mask left, dejected.

Hecate turned back to me.

"I swear, if it's not one thing around here, it's another. I'm always telling my friends, you don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps!"

She laughed at her own joke. Then her face went back to that strange icy smile.

"Okay, brass tacks time. One of the components of this job involves getting me a lot - a whole lot - of Frusen Glädjé ice cream. Do you have a problem with this?"

"Frusen Glädjé? The Häagen-Dazs knock-off? They don't even make that any more."

"Clearly it would require some outside-of-the-box thinking. That's what I need on my team. Someone who can solve problems in a creative way. You said before you solve problems in a creative way. Give me an action-plan. Not just to get me some of the Frusen Glädjé, but to get me all of the Frusen Glädjé. Think big."

I still didn't have a compelling answer. Hecate's smile disappeared. She asked me a few more questions, but I could tell at this point she was just going through the motions. I'd blown the interview.

After asking me what I thought my weaknesses were (I told her I'm too much of a perfectionist) she stood up, and indicated that I should do the same.

"It was great meeting you!", she told me. "We'll be in touch!"