Crossover with Judy Blume

Are you there God? It’s me, the Second Mrs. De Winter. We’re moving today. I’m so scared God. I’ve never lived anywhere but here. Suppose I hate the Old Lincoln School? Suppose everybody there hates me? Suppose it's full of dead and/or insane Scottish royalty? Suppose there are strobe light techno raves where everybody gets naked, puts on goat heads, and waves dead fetuses around? Please help me God. Don’t let Manderlay be too horrible. Thank you.

After school we went straight to Lady Macbeth's. Before we started our official meeting we talked about Mrs. Danvers and her project to cover the classroom floor with hair and then build a witch nest in the back. We all agreed it was crazy and none of us could think of a single idea.

Then Lady Macbeth called the role. "Veronica?"

"I'm here," Lady MacDuff said.

"Kimberly?"

"I'm here," The Bald Witch said.

"Mavis?"

"I'm here," I said.

"And so am I ... Alexandra." Lady Macbeth closed the roll book. "Well, let's get to it. We all feel each other's backs to make sure we're wearing our bras."

We all were.

"What size did you get, Bald Witch?" Lady Macbeth asked.

"I got a Gro-Bra," Bald Witch said.

"Me too," I said.

"Me too!" Lady MacDuff laughed.

"Not me," Lady Macbeth said, proudly. "Mine's a thirty-two double A."

We were all impressed.

"If you ever want to get out of those baby bras you have to exercise," she told us.

"What kind of exercise?" Lady MacDuff asked.

"Like this," Lady Macbeth said. She made fists, bent her arms at the elbow and moved them back and forth, sticking her chest way out. She said, "I must -- I must -- I must increase my bust." She said it over and over. We copied her movements and chanted with her. "We must - we must - we must increase our bust!"

"Good," Lady Macbeth told us. "Do it thirty-five times a day and I promise you'll see the results."

"Now, for our Boy Books," the Bald Witch said. "Is everybody ready?"

We put our Boy Books on the floor and Lady Macbeth picked them up, one at a time. She read each one and passed it around for the rest of us to see. Bald Witch's was first. She had sevevn names listed. Number one was MacDuff. Lady MacDuff had four names. Number one was MacDuff. Lady Macbeth listed eighteen boys. I didn't even know eighteen boys! And number one was MacDuff. When Lady Macbeth got to my Boy Book she choked on an ice cube from her glass of weird milk-like substance with I-don't-know-what-chopped-up-into-it. When she stopped choking she read, "Number one -- MacDuff." Everybody giggled.

"Number two -- Banquo. How come you picked him?"

I was getting mad. I mean, she didn't ask the others why they liked this one or that one, so why should I have to tell? I raised my eyebrows at Lady Macbeth, then looked away. She got the message.

When we were through, Lady Macbeth opened her bedroom door. There were Macbeth and the Male Witch, eavesdropping. They followed us down the stairs and outside. When Lady Macbeth said, "Get lost, we're busy," Macbeth and the Male Witch burst out laughing.

They shouted, "We must -- we must -- we must increase our bust!" Then they fell on the floor and rolled over and over laughing so hard I hoped they would both wet their pants.