Monday, October 18, 2010

Crossover with MTV's "The Real World"

MacDuff ran down the hallway, looked around a bit, and then entered the confessional and sat down, staring into the camera.

"So, uh, things have been pretty crazy. I'm not sure why I signed up for this. Pick seven people to live in an abandoned school and then have our lives taped. I thought it would be a breeze, but then I find out that I'm in this building with insane servants, witches, some demonic Goddess obsessed with ice cream, this chick who keeps trying to drag us all into a locked room so she can tell us a sad fairy tale.... it just goes on. We can't have a meal without all making out in slow motion. Every time I try and take a bath there's a LIVE EEL in the tub. And worst of all is Macbeth."

"Macbeth started out fine. Upstanding, even. Then when we were divvying up bedrooms he seemed kind of bummed that he had to bunk with me and that Duncan got the only single in the building. He kept muttering to me, 'The witches said I would one day have that room', and his psycho harpy wife would just egg him on and egg him on."

"It came to a head yesterday. Duncan had taken some of Macbeth's peanut butter, and Macbeth flipped out. Macbeth called a house meeting, and started insisting 'If Duncan is in the house, then Macbeth is no in the house!' and forced us to vote, turning everyone against Duncan by pointing out that Duncan would cheat at cards with Hecate in the basement, that Duncan was always mocking Malcolm's jaunty beret, that Duncan was always blowing off the Second Mrs. De Winter. Macbeth actually got Duncan voted out of the school! Then he took over Duncan's bedroom. It was nuts. This is not how society should work."

"Lady Macbeth and Mrs. Danvers were in the room with all the bathtubs and live eels, and Mrs. Danvers was making Lady Macbeth take all of her clothes off and get in the tubs. To be fair, Lady Macbeth was pretty out of her mind at this point. I guess she was feeling guilty about getting Duncan kicked out. So afterwards, Macbeth mentioned that it seemed like Mrs. Danvers was attacking Lady Macbeth. Lady Macbeth, still out of her mind, was yelling 'IT WASN'T NOT FUNNY' a lot, which makes no sense. That's a double negative. Then Macbeth was yelling 'RACE PLUS POWER EQUALS RACISM' over Lady Macbeth's 'IT WASN'T NOT FUNNY' and a pensive Smashing Pumpkins song came on the soundtrack."

"I can't take this much more. But I need to hang on... I just need the camera crew to film me singing one of my awesome slow jams so I'll get signed to a record label."

With that, MacDuff began to sing.

"Come on be my baby tonight........ I know how you've treated all those other thugs you've been with........ Come on be my baaaaaby tonight."

Monday, October 4, 2010